How to Deal with An Angry Partner

How to Deal with An Angry Partner

How to Deal with An Angry Partner - Everyone who is in a romantic relationship must have been or is angry with their partner. Getting angry or getting angry with someone, let alone a partner, must taste bad, right? We feel confused ourselves.

There is a desire to reach out or say hello back, but because he is angry, we become reluctant. If we join in with anger, our mood is carried away by negative emotions. On the other hand, if we just shut up and do nothing, we don't know where this relationship will take us.

Luckily, you came to the right article. But, before we dive into the tips, let's first get to know, approximately what are the causes of the appearance of anger in romantic relationships?

Causes of Anger In Relationships

1. Desire to change the couple

According to Steven Stosny, Ph.D., the cause of conflicts that lead to the emergence of anger between partners is motivated by one thing, namely dissatisfaction in relationships, so that a person tends to want to change the behavior of his partner. They tend to find fault with their partner, so it's not surprising to frustrate their partner.

Usually, this desire is also accompanied by a number of indicators, namely feeling that he is a victim of injustice due to unfulfilled desires (victim identity), blaming others for heartache (conditioned to blame), feeling the most important self (temporary narcissism), and negative emotional release (negative attributions). Of course, not everyone is willing to be changed by their partner, so conflicts are increasing.

2. Assign controls

Counselor and therapist Sandra Harewood says that anger is one of the ways a person controls others, who in this context is his partner. However, Harewood also underscored that anger is divided into two types, namely healthy anger and anger that can lead to violence.

Its main difference lies in the duration of anger, the way of communicating, and the background to the appearance of anger. Therefore, if your partner has a problem with his anger, try to trace your partner's background. It could be that the anger comes from painful childhood experiences, or innate from the environment that it projects on us.

3. There is an unfinished problem

Not only because of personal interests, conflicts can occur due to trivial matters such as miscommunication, differences of opinion, to psychological conditions in the romance between you and your partner. The process of escalating conflicts can occur faster in the event of an exchange of hurtful comments, a harsh tone of speech, as well as the appearance of negative behavior from one or both parties.

The point is, as the saying goes, where there is smoke, there must be fire. So, if your partner is angry with you, or vice versa, there must be a problem behind it.

Now, how do you deal with this kind of situation? The only thing we can come to conclusions is, anger is a negative emotion that must be managed, just like any other emotion. The difference is that in this situation, you should be able to see from both sides. So, let's take out the pen and start noting the tips below!

How to Deal with An Angry Partner

1. Calm Yourself Down!

If you were in a state of tension and full of anger, what would you do? It must feel like getting angry too, right? Especially if we are blamed many times by our partner. But wait a minute, don't rush to join in the blood ride!

More precisely, don't waste energy responding if you don't have enough emotional stability. If necessary, stay away from tense situations for a moment. If you're already feeling better, you can try to refocus on solving the problem. 

2. Focus on Self-Reflection

Now try to reflect on yourself first. An easy way of self-reflection is to ask these three questions:

1. Who and what is your role in the relationship?
2. What are your needs in this relationship?
3. What are some of your values?

Ask me too, have you done enough of something right during this time? It could be that what you feel is right, it turns out that in the eyes of your partner, it is not.

And vice versa. What you feel wrong with your partner, may even be the result of their desire to do something right. In addition to focusing on yourself, self-reflection also helps you develop things that you feel you need to develop in yourself.

3. Try to Understand from Their Perspective

Self-reflection is over, now refocus on the root cause. Psycom contributor, Kathleen Smith, Ph.D. says that when we have a conflict with a partner, there will be a desire to correct something that for us is wrong from our relationship with the partner.

However, like repairing a leaky gutter, do not rush to repair it if we do not know where the cause of this conflict is. Therefore, try to understand the problem from their perspective. Thus, the picture of the root cause that triggers anger will also be clearer to you.

4. Don't Get Carried Away with Emotions When Responding

This is the most difficult stage. When your partner starts to blame you again, even though you've tried to calm down and reflect yourself, it feels like you want to explode and deny it again, right? When this happens, try to refrain from getting angry, but try to listen to whatever he's talking about.

Allow time for him to express his emotions, pay attention to what are his needs that he conveys, and after he is a little calmer, you can start expressing your feelings. Remember, fire cannot be extinguished with fire.

5. Confide in the Right People

Now, let's assume your problems with your partner are still unclear. If this is the case, one of the things that couples who are angry usually do is definitely to vent with their friends or family. Nonetheless, not all venting can lead to the right solution. In fact, if you are not careful, the disgrace of us and our partner can be exposed.

Therefore, it is important for couples who are experiencing conflict, especially when it has dragged on, to find solutions from professionals, such as therapists or counselors. One of them is through special counseling services for couples, especially for unmarried couples, to provide an overview of managing relationships, how to deal with conflicts, and maintain stability in the relationship.

Returning again to the original statement, any conflict and anger in the relationship will inevitably occur and be experienced by everyone. Because if there is no anger overflowing, the relationship will feel so tasteless. However, that doesn't mean the author claims a relationship without anger and conflict is ugly and a couple who likes to get angry is good.

Precisely with anger and conflict, we can find out what actually hinders us in building relationships and doing self-reflection regarding our problems. As for those who are almost never angry with their partner in their relationship, there must still be an effort to maintain this situation so that a healthy relationship can continue to be fostered.

The author's message, do not give up for anyone who is trying to defuse the conflict with his partner. Believe me, every problem must have a solution.

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